As discussed in our previous blog post, uncertainty is a natural and unavoidable part of life. For some children and young people, this uncertainty can be overwhelming and intolerable and it is essential that adults support children and young people (CYP) to learn to tolerate uncertainty.
NOTE: While these strategies can be effective for neurotypical children, it’s important to note that children with ASD may have a heightened intolerance for uncertainty due to cognitive and sensory processing differences. They often benefit more from clear routines, visual supports, and gradual transitions rather than exposure-based approaches. If working with a child with ASD, it is more appropriate to tailor strategies to their specific needs.
So, how can adults support children in becoming more tolerant of uncertainty? Let’s explore some effective strategies.
1. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) Principles
ACT offers practical tools to help CYP develop a healthier relationship with their thoughts and feelings, particularly around uncertainty. Three key principles may be worth exploring with children and young people:
Defusion
Children often get caught up in their thoughts, especially when anxious about the unknown. They might think, “What if I fail this test? That would be terrible!” Defusion helps create distance from their thoughts- to see them as just thoughts, not facts. This distance from the thought reduces the emotional impact. Some examples of defusion are as follows:
- Teach CYP to label their thoughts as temporary mental events. For example, “I’m going to fail this test” would become “I am having the thought that I am going to fail the test.”
- Turn anxious thoughts into silly/funny voices. Imagine your favourite cartoon character, e.g. Bart Simpson saying the negative thought to you. This makes the thoughts feel less powerful.
Acceptance
Uncertainty triggers discomfort and the aim here is not to eliminate that discomfort but to learn to live with it and accept it’s existence. This could look like:
- Encouraging children to notice and accept their anxious feelings without judgment. Phrases like, “It’s okay to feel worried about the what is going to happen when I’m older” helps normalise the experience.
- Try using metaphors, like carrying a heavy backpack (their worries) while continuing to walk forward- the weight is there, but they can still keep moving.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness teaches children to focus on the present moment which reduces the tendency to spiral into “what if” scenarios and rumination (chewing over the same things over and over again).
- Introduce short, child-friendly mindfulness exercises, such as focusing on their breathing or practicing grounding techniques (e.g., noticing five things they can see, four they can touch, and so on). There are some great ones on YouTube using chocolate or other small treats as a prompt!
- Make mindfulness playful—try a “listening game” where they close their eyes and identify different sounds around them.
- Make mindfulness part of a daily routine. For example, every breakfast time they practice mindfulness – e.g., focusing carefully on the sounds of the cereal popping in the bowl, the smell of the chocolate milk, the clink of the spoon etc.
2. Gentle Exposure Over Time
One of the most effective ways to build tolerance for uncertainty is through gradual exposure to uncertainty! The more we avoid things, the more scary they seem. As adults it can be really easy to slip into helping children avoid as we really hate to see them distressed. However, helping children face small, manageable uncertainties before progressing to more challenging ones is essential in breaking this vicious cycle of avoidance leading to greater anxiety in the long run. Although in the short-term avoidance can help reduce anxiety, it is not so helpful in the long-term.
- Start with lower risk uncertainties, such as not knowing what’s for lunch that day, then gradually move to more significant ones, like coping with an off-timetable day.
- Create a “bravery ladder” with the child, listing situations that cause anxiety from least to most stressful. Work through them step by step, celebrating each victory with rewards. Repeated exposure will reduce anxiety over time as presented in the graphic.
3. Challenging Unhelpful Thinking Styles
Children often engage in thinking patterns that fuel anxiety, such as catastrophising (“If I fail this test, my whole life is ruined”) or rigid prediction (“I just know I’ll be terrible at this”).
- Help CYP challenge unhelpful thinking styles by considering alternative outcomes. One effective phrase is: “Maybe it will, maybe it won’t, but I’ll cope.” This encourages balanced thinking without dismissing their fears. Our brains love to problem solve – using these sorts of statements shuts down the need to problem solve or try to figure out a way out of the catastrophe our brain has created!
- Role-play different scenarios and outcomes. For example, if they’re worried about giving a presentation, act out a situation where it goes well, one where it’s just okay, and one where it doesn’t go as planned. Then, discuss how they would cope in each case. If children don’t like role play, they could write down alternative realities.
4. Use of Coping Statements
Developing a set of go-to coping statements can help children navigate uncertain situations with more confidence. These should be simple, positive affirmations that remind them of their strength and adaptability.
- “I can’t predict the future, but I can handle whatever happens.”
- “I’ve faced uncertainties before, and I was okay.”
- “It’s okay not to know everything right now.”
Of course it is important to still retain an element of predictability and safety in education settings through tools such as visual timetables, routine etc. but for children who are very intolerant to uncertainty, we must support them in developing the confidence to face the unknown with curiosity rather than dread. By introducing ACT principles, gentle exposure, balanced thinking, and coping statements, we help children embrace (or tolerate!) uncertainty so that when they are faced with much higher-stakes uncertainty, they have some helpful coping strategies.
